Monster of the Week: Santa Claus

Naughty!

Films Synopsis: Its that time of year, when Ol’ Saint Nick tallies up the good boys from the naughty girls and gives them their just desserts. But this year, Santa, played by big as life pro-wrestler Bill Goldberg, complete with his signature Spear-finishing-move, reveals that all ain’t exactly jolly up at the North Pole. In an alternative telling of the classic Christmas tale, Santa is a demonic terror, finally free after a thousand-year ban on killing who takes out his pent-up rage on the small burg of Hell Township. With some wickedly atrocious or heavenly sonorous metal music throughout, the hilarious B-movie bash Santa’s Slay (2005) has some excellent kills, memorable lines and a frightful version of Santa sure to leave you with Yuletide nightmares. But what do we care about more than good dialogue and great acting? The MONSTER of course – so lets get to it!

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Check out the Loot the Corpse on Instagram for Loot for this monster!

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Despite being a giant-kin, Claus has a good deal of ingenuity to bring to a given battle. He is not above sneaking up on opponents, and enjoys fighting dirty. He will use his wits to insult and cajole his foes, promising a fair fight before sucker-punching them and sending them straight to the Nine Hells. He likes to wade into combat brandishing his great-axe, and chooses to Spear-drop any opponent larger or tougher than him, moving in for the kill while his opponent is still dazed from the maneuver.

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What better way to celebrate the holiday spirit than throwing a bit of Golberg- er, Santa Claus into your campaign? On a wintry night, just as the fires to an inn’s taproom begin to simmer to a soft glow, have Ol’ Santy come barreling down the chimney – mayhem and trash-talk following fast on his heals. 

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The core of Santa Claus came from the stats for a frost giant. Unlike more traditional conversions of Santa, this version is the pro-wrestler, Goldberg version! He’s tough, he’s fiendish and he can spit coal!

Being a fiendish offspring, he has the magic resistances and traits typical of an archdevil as well as their immunities, suitable for a Pole-dwelling Santa who comes from Stygia – the icy fifth Layer of the Nine Hells. His signature move, the Spear just HAD to be included and was custom to give him a Stun and prone effect. And just like the movie version, his coal-spitting (Coalfire) and Exploding Gifts attacks were simple but customized after the typical giant throwing rocks abilities – giving him legendary range abilities to match his fiendish persona.

But what do you think, is the Goldberg Santa too jolly for a more traditional Saint Nick? Or will your player’s ears bleed from all the Christmas puns? Download my rendition of  Santa Claus from Santa’s Slay in pdf format for your campaign and put the smack-down on their holiday hopes. 

And, if you want to get this and all the creatures to date in a single, indexed PDF as well as a handy-dandy Fantasy Ground version of these creatures, consider heading over to my Patreon and becoming a Patron!

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